I noticed her as she walked in to take a seat closer to the front. Hair cut short, blond, with a bold stenciled pattern in black. Interesting, I thought. The introductions had just concluded and one author was answering the first questions when the little girl sitting with the young woman began fidgeting and fussing loudly; a bit too loudly to my mind, for her size. That the little girl's antics were a distraction to some in the audience was made clear by quick glances in her direction. Then author A loses her train of thought and glares at the pair. The interviewer poses his question another time, apparently oblivious of the distraction, and author A, muttering that she is unable to carry on, fixes a terrible look at the woman and girl. Getting the message, the woman gathered her child and things and left. No one said a word. Author A reined in her ideas and finally replied, and the evening went on to its usual conclusion.
Where I come from, someone would have supported the person I believe was the child`s mother by rebuking the child or by suggesting that they both sit in the back. My own mother would have taken me downstairs for a 'good talking to' and maybe a hard smack, then return to the session where I would have been expected to behave, like a child of course, but quietly. That`s another story.
My tentative de réponse in 5 points:
1. Femmes adultes, libres, indépendentes is not a group apart. Women are their sisters` keepers. Women must be careful of the fences they construct, unwittingly or otherwise, that keep out other women (mothers to exclude the childless; wives to exclude singles; those who work for a living and those who must not; and so on), because they do not fit what is in fashion. As a community, women need one another, and that includes successive generations.
2. "Girl, you look nice!" Then adds, half-teasing, half-serious, "But listen, what did your husband say when you went home with short hair." She would cut her hair too, but for her husband who likes it long, she tells me. Her voice has a ring of regret to it. What I do not say, but what I truly wonder, is why does she not cut her hair if she wants to? I did it and what is more, I would not discuss it with my husband first. After all, am I not a liberated woman?
Should the truth be told, all that means is that I am not
taking care to be what he wants. This is what my friend knows, and what every woman who wants to get and keep a man, must reconcile to and practice. In the series, Star Trek, they are called '
metamorphs', defined by Memory Alpha as "a woman genetically pre-disposed to suit the desires of any man she is with". Whether one is `genetically pre-disposed`is not the point here. You can see the power in being what he desires, can`t you? If you get it, go to point 3, if not, let me try again..read on.
Once I saw a couple shopping in a designer lingerie store. I was horrified that he had to check the elastic and help her choose; and though I did not follow them around, I am sure she left with what she wanted: sexy, expensive underwear. ( I did mention 'designer' so what with all the tests, right? ) Me, too, I left satisfied with my purchases. My then new lover remarked with a sort of smile that I had not bought anything interesting. "They are all so plain," he said. Misunderstanding the lesson to be learned here, I gently replied (because he had to NOT know this), "This is what I always buy." I chose those utilitarian plain Janes of my own free will. I am an independent woman. Who needs a man to help her shop for underwear?
You get the picture?
3. A room of one`s own can be a luxury in many households. With three single 30-something women to every man in France, some women might be glad to share, but take warning, it is essential. It does not have to be a physical space, although that is perfect, some space to have your own thoughts, to attend to the "bricolage à soi-même", to escape and rest when family(/activities) become(s) overwhelming. Where is the femme adulte, libre etc. in this? It takes resolve to get a room of one`s own and to occupy it usefully. Not men alone, women too, have very traditional ideas of house-hold roles, that belie what they say the femmes adultes, libres, etc. are about. Many believe, as I do, that it is as a result of the way women are socialized, the impression made by the media (of the day), and all those damned fairy-tales.
4. I, too, am a sensual creature. I set my rhythm by festivals and seasons. I change curtains in the Spring and in the Winter; eat all the berries I can in the Spring and what I cannot eat then I drink in the Winter. My mother-in-law remarked to her son that there was no need to change the curtains. Perhaps it bothered her, but whatever the reason, she could not see the sense of it. And that is fine by me. I cannot see how it is possible to do otherwise. There is culture and there is culture. I guess the femme adulte, libre etc. is sometimes lonely. You just have to do what you know and be who you are. No one said it would be easy.
5. Garnier says it best, Prends soin de toi. You would think anyone can do this, and I had no fifth point to make, and you might be doubting whether I even use Garnier products. Well, if everyone could, life coaches would be less in demand, I do use Garnier products, but I am not referring to cosmetics now.
To take care of yourself is to strive for and maintain a healthy balance of mind and body. Juggling family and work commitments, the demanding family cat, responding to life when it gets in the way of your carefully made plans are only some reasons why it is not a simple thing to take care of oneself, and which illustrate how easy it is to gradually slip down on your personal 'to do' list or list of 'priorities'. Based on my own experience, just how to take care of oneself includes some of the following. Eat lots of fruit and vegetables, get regular exercise, get enough sleep for a start. Find your passion and explore it; laugh; go out when you want to, even by yourself. Treat yourself to something pretty; learn something new; create some free time and do nothing. Keep close to family and friends, and give them of your best.
